beating myself with the “selfie” stick

  Taking a “selfie” has become fraught with horror and dread for me. If I’m honest, in the past I didn’t really have too many objections to having my photo taken as generally speaking I was reasonably happy with how I looked. I was also lucky enough to look younger than my years until relatively recently. This used to be annoying when I was eighteen years old and found it virtually impossible to get into a pub! Although travelling on buses and only paying a child’s fare until I was around twenty five was a perk of looking younger than my years!
Since hitting my fifties however, I have noticed quite a rapid deterioration in my body and face. A two year stint of insomnia has left me not with bags under my eyes, but the luggage equivalent of dirty, great black trunks. My neck, once long and slender and one of my best features is now crepey and slack. My eyes, which were one of the first things people noticed about me, used to be sparkly hazel, large and with long, black lashes. Now they look lack lustre and my eyelashes have shrunk until they have all but disappeared. 
Don’t even get me started on my hair. I never dyed it until a few years ago as I always loved the colour of the tresses I was born with. It was a very dark brown/black with flashes of a warmer conker colour when the sun caught it. Now it’s dull and course with not a hint of it’s former lustre and radiance.

So, taking a “selfie” is a depressing exercise for me these days; one that serves to remind me of the relentless march of time, edging me ever nearer to that final journey into oblivion. The salutary slap in the face that ensures I am aware that time is now slipping through my fingers at an alarming rate. With so much I still want to experience in this world, I wonder if time will run out before I’ve even scratched the surface?

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9 thoughts on “beating myself with the “selfie” stick

  1. You have been brave to share your feelings about ageing in this post, Caro. I hope that this selfie is a start of a journey to see that you are well worn with love and beautiful with it 💜

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    1. Thanks Claire…..some days I feel ok about myself and others (like today!) I get on a bit of a downer. Then I think of the alternative to ageing and I don’t want that to happen either! There’s no pleasing some folk is there.😐

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  2. I just finished teaching a class on the selfie and how we can use it to start loving ourselves and our imperfections as badges of honor. For those of us who are older, it is really hard but I think we can learn to appreciate every bag, wrinkle, and brown spot. You are a beautiful woman!

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  3. I agree with Claire- this post is very honest and so brave. I appreciate hearing how people really feel on blogs- that is why we read them, isn’t it? And then you have a chance to share when you are having a good day with things as well. As a fellow insomnia sufferer, I can sympathize so much. I have recently found a few things to help- including finally trying sleep drugs- and I know how terrible it is to be without sleep for a long time. I hope your bout ends soon. I am sure that will have you feeling much better about everything. xoxo

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  4. I empathise with your thoughts. Romping up to fifty myself & being a bit of an insomniac I am constantly being taken off guard by a mirror or photo. The surprise of not seeing the early thirties version of me you would have thought would have worn away by now.

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    1. I know…..I must admit I’m finding the ageing process really hard. I think the problem is as you say, that you still feel exactly the same inside, so it’s a shock to see someone unrecognisable in the mirror. 😕

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  5. Raw and honest Caro as always. Big up for putting your selfie out there, brave step forward. I’m well in to my forties and shocked at the speed of decline! It’s like a new line discovered each day but then every line tells a story and I love wrinkles. But not sure of my baggy eye lids. Thanks for sharing xox

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  6. Wonderfully honest and sincere, Caro, my heart aches for you and for all of us – if only we could find a different way to watch our bodies change. I’m half way through my 60’s and catching glimpses of the ‘oldness’ of my body in pictures and mirrors is becoming downright frightening. I am determined to find a way to age without this terrible emotional baggage, that’s the direction I want my blog to take. There must be another way for us….

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    1. Thanks for your heartfelt response Janet. I try to be positive most of the time, and remind myself of the only alternative to ageing, but it is hard some days. I know there are lots of websites etc telling us that we still have much to offer, but then you see the way that young people look at you and feel invisible and irrelevant. It’s so hard when you still feel the same way inside.😕

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